Tuesday, December 19, 2006

After the Honeymoon

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Skanky Jane's MySpace Tribute to The Artswipe, 2006

It's been one hell of a crazy year. I started in blogland as a reader (mostly reading The Art Life blog for my fix of artworld gossip) and when I decided to go global with The Artswipe, I never realised it would make me over into such an important world leader... But you know, stranger things happen all the time.

Perhaps the strangest thing to happen this year, is that I got married. And to a fan! I never thought I'd marry a fan as the whole thing just conjures a major Kathy Bates in Misery moment. But well, Skanky Jane persisted and when she made me an artwork representing our dominant culture institutionalisation I just knew it was meant to be. (After having a performance art moment early October 2006 which featured a combination of Skanky Jane and an organza blindfold, she started organising the wedding... What a BRIDEZILLA!)

Skanky J and I were meant to be... she understands me more than most, and does whatever I ask. I even asked her to take a bath before our Aspen honeymoon, because well, skank sometimes needs a clean. We never fight as most married couples tend to do after ten minutes of marriage. Before she goes to work, she leaves me a comment, and I reply. Some say marriages rarely work when the bulk of your communication consists of leaving notes for one another. But when they're really well written notes, you can fantasise that reincarnation is on your side this time, and that well, thank Christ you got the "reincarna-karma-remix" of Virginia Woolf over Virginia Andrews.

And ironically the name Virginia always makes Skanky J giggle because she's obviously thinking about vaginas. That dirty girl needs to take those dirty pillows to the laundromat immediately! Artswipe is a clean teen! As if reading Skanky J's dirty mind, another MySpace fan "Vibrator" lured me into a dark world of wall socket promiscuity by offering this beautiful visual comment (see below). Never have Double A batteries been so worthy of a Double D titfuck. And as I am a life support system for a soundtrack, I have added Lene Lovich's song New Toy as this week's http://www.myspace.com/artswipe profile song.

It's that time of year when The Artswipe must see more of the world. I have submitted my leave application form to Blogspot Dot Com and while they're hesitant to see me go, they understand that no one can stand in the way of experience. So I will be nomadic over January visiting trailer park conventions to see what I can bring home as a late wedding present for the little Mrs.

Thanks to all for reading this year. I will post a postcard or three over the holiday season and will officially re-launch late January 2007. And if you get lonely, remember that Skanky Jane will keep the home fires burning.


lucia said...

You've restored my faith in romance, the fine institution of marriage and the ongoing need for AAA batteries.
Merry Xmas. Lucia

lauren said...

they granted you leave??!! bastard slave drivers at blogger said i had to keep mashing away at the keyboard right the way through - and only a lunchbreak every second day!

but i guess i did sign on under an AWA..

have a wonderful holiday artswipe..

Skanky Jane said...

Arty you are hysterical - Double D titfucks indeed.....have you been interviewing my clients - trying to find out what little treat I might like?

...but yes - it's all true - (although it was Arty Dear who finally popped the question!) Struth...I couldn't let a beau like Artswipe slip by without giving it my best shot now could I boys and girls?

Arty, who is soooooo sweet, never throws the past up in my face (truth be known - *giggle* Artswipe "the clean teen" - revels in this new bedroom whore).

And now that Arty has made an honest woman of me I'm looking forward to being invited to all sorts of ladies groups! *flashes her ring*

Yes, there are differences...for one thing Arty isn't as needy as I am and has a much quicker mind but then I'm a great one for staying the distance and I like to think Arty needs that. Plus, I'm sure that my ability to speak French, Spanish and Greek will be a great asset to The Artswipe.

I'm just glad the secret is out of the bag at last because I was fit to bust with the sheer pleasure of it all!

Bon Voyage sweetums...and don't worry I'll take care of all your friends while you're away *winks*


mayhem said...

Artswipe - you are the oracle!
glad to see youse and skanky have wedded.....
I bought a Hitachi Wonderwand Last Week - and I SPOKE TO CAROLEE SCHNEEMAN YESTERDAY! - i've got her phone number! We're going to hook up! - did you have anything to do with this?

reeam said...